


Slipping In My Faith Until I Fall

by shelbaldfoe



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, Softball
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-26 20:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30111480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shelbaldfoe/pseuds/shelbaldfoe
Summary: Toni Shalifoe is looking forward to her sophomore year of playing softball at the University of Oregon. Softball is Toni's life, and nothing can get in her way. That is until she almost hooks up with a girl at a party that ends up being the new pitcher on the softball team, Shelby Goodkind.Shelby Goodkind just transferred from Ohio State University to the University of Oregon for a better chance at success in softball, or so that's what she tells people. She quickly finds out that running from her problems won't solve anything. She tries to put the past behind her, but she might have to face her demons.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani & Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 5
Kudos: 100





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I hope you enjoy reading this! There will be a lot of softball talk for some of the chapters, but I'll do my best to make things clear. I love softball and The Wilds, so I figured that I would combine the two.  
> The title is from the song Read My Mind by the Killers!

Just like that, August had rolled around, and it was time for the students at the University of Oregon to head back to campus for the new year. The athletes got to head back a week early to get settled in before practices, lifts, and games completely consumed their lives. 

Every year, the athletes threw a huge party at some of the football players' house to kick off the year ahead. This wasn't your average house party, considering Oregon has 20 plus teams, and every year all the student-athletes made sure that they were there to experience the chaos. One of the more chaotic teams that attended the party was the softball team. These girls knew how to party; they were notorious for pulling some shit that would be talked about on campus for weeks. At last year's party Dot Campbell, 3rd base and captain, jumped off the roof of the house and crashed into a white folding table holding red solo cups for beer pong. Everyone went silent until Dot shot up and screamed, "GO DUCKS!" Everyone at the party roared "GO DUCKS" in response. Surprisingly, she only bruised her thigh and shoulder.

The other party animal on the team was Toni Shalifoe, sophomore catcher; this girl can shotgun beers faster than any football player and was always trying to challenge the male athletes to competitions to prove that she was stronger. Most of the time, she was stronger. This also meant that Toni had found herself in a few fights her freshman year. Toni never threw the first punch, but she always made sure to finish the job that someone else had started.

++++++++++++++++  
The softball players were getting ready for the party at the house that some of them shared. Toni Shalifoe, Dot Campbell, Rachel Reid, and Leah Rilke all lived together. They had all grown really close last season and had decided it would be fun to live together. 

"Has anyone seen my black baseball hat?" Toni asked as she was looking in the mirror, making sure she looked good for the party. She was wearing a half unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt with a black Nike sports bra underneath and ripped black jeans. 

"No, but I don't think you should wear it anyway. You'll look like more of a 'hey mamas' than you already do." Rachel shouted from across the house.

"Fuck you, Rachel, fine, I won't wear it" Toni rolled her eyes as she put on her signature high-top vans. 

Dot came down from upstairs and asked the group, "do you guys think that we'll find any hot girls at the party? I know Toni needs to find someone to hook up with asap." 

Toni shot Dot a look and said, "what makes you think I didn't hook up with any girls over the summer?"

"Well, did you?"

"no."

"My point exactly, you have to get over Regan, man. It's been like 6 months." Dot said as she walked over to Toni and put her arm around her shoulder, and gave her a side hug. 

Toni pushed Dot away. "I am over, Regan. There's just not many options in Minnesota."

Toni began to think about Regan. She knew that she wasn't completely over her. How could she? Regan was the first girl that Toni truly loved. Sure, Toni had a few girlfriends in high school, but Regan was different. She understood Toni, but she didn't know how to handle Toni at her worst. "One little match, and you catch fire just like that." Those were the last words that Regan had spoken to Toni.

There was a knock at the front door, and Toni was snapped back to reality. "Can someone get the door? It's Fatin," Leah shouted as she poked her head out of the bathroom.  
That put a smile on Toni's face. Fatin was one of her best friends here in Oregon. She met Fatin last year in their English 101 class. Toni then introduced Fatin to Leah, and they clicked immediately. The two have been dating for almost a year now.  
Toni jumped off the couch and opened the door. "Shalifoe, I missed you bitch!" Fatin screamed as she flung her arms in the air with a case of white claws in one hand.

Toni laughed "yeah, yeah, I missed you too, I guess. Now give me one of those white claws." Fatin handed her the case of alcohol and headed over to greet Leah. The whole crew was now in the living room listening to music and pregaming for the party.  
"Do you guys think that practice will be hard on Monday?" Rachel asked as she sipped on her drink.

"Probably, but who cares. Tonight is about having fun and getting wasted." Dot exclaimed as she chugged the rest of her drink. All the girls laughed and continued to drink and dance to the music booming from the speaker.  
++++++++++++++++  
The girls walked up to the party around 11 pm, they knew if they got there earlier, they might have to make small talk with some of the male athletes, and they really were not interested in that.  
Leah and Fatin split off almost as soon as they got to the party to go dance. The remaining three girls made their way over to the kitchen to get themselves a drink. As they walked through the house, they exchanged hellos and head nods with some of the athletes they knew. Rachel saw a few of her friends from the soccer team and went over to talk to them.

Once Toni and Dot had their drinks, Dot looked over at Toni and said, "Should we go and kick some ass at beer pong?" Without skipping a beat, Toni yelled, "hell yeah, let's go." The two made their way to the back yard where they found a couple of hockey and football players playing pong.  
"Hey, we got winners next game," Toni shouted.

The guys looked at each other and laughed. One of them looked over and said, "alright, but it will be a quick game." Toni and Dot looked at each other and rolled their eyes. When it was their turn to play, they didn't miss. Each time they lobbed the orange ping pong ball over the table, it landed in a cup. Toni then hit the last cup and threw her arms up, and chest bumped Dot.

"Hey, you were right. It was a quick game." Dot laughed as she stuck her middle finger up at the guys. The girls played a few more games and won all of them. When their reign of victory finally came to an end, Toni was feeling properly drunk. 

The girls headed back inside to refill their drinks and dance. They found their way over to Leah and Fatin, who were making out in the corner of the crowded living room. "Jesus, get a room, you two," Toni said as she scanned the room filled with drunk, dancing athletes. The couple couldn't hear her over the booming sound of music that shook the whole house. Toni then felt Dot grab her hand, and Dot screamed over the music, "OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS FUCKING SONG. WE HAVE TO GO DANCE." Toni didn't really have a choice at this point. The next thing she knew, she was shoulder to shoulder in the crowded room dancing to some trap song that she didn't know. Dot screamed along with the lyrics, occasionally bumping into Toni and the people around her. Toni didn't mind, though, considering how drunk she was. 

Then out of nowhere, a girl caught Toni's eye. She was about 10 feet away, dancing with a group of girls. Toni was in shock; this girl was stunning. The tall blonde caught Toni staring at her and winked. Toni looked down and chugged her drink. When she looked back up, the blonde was right in front of her. She was wearing a low-cut crop top, light blue jeans, and white air force ones stained with previous house parties' grime. She leaned in and asked, "Hey, you wanna dance?" Toni couldn't find the words to say yes, but she just nodded. Toni always gay panicked when she saw a hot girl, but not this bad.

The next thing she knew, the blonde grabbed her hand and pulled her to a different spot in the living room to dance. The girl turned and leaned into Toni, pressing into Toni, and began grinding against Toni and moving her hips to the beat of the song. Toni put her hands just below the girl's rib cage, making sure not to put her hands too low. She moved her hips along with the blonde, allowing for the music to dictate the rhythm. Toni then felt the blonde's hands-on hers, and she slipped Toni's hands to her waist. She wasn't mad about it, just surprised. Toni gripped the girl's waist hard and pulled her in closer. Toni felt an ache between her thighs that she hadn't felt for a long time. Her head was now resting on the girl's shoulder as the blonde danced on her.  
After about 15 minutes of dancing and wandering hands, the blonde turned to Toni and leaned in and kissed her. Toni immediately kissed her back hard. The blonde had to grab ahold of Toni to keep her balance. The kiss was sloppy, considering how drunk both were. The girl's tongue brushed against Toni's bottom lip, and Toni let it in. Toni grabbed the girl's hips and pulled her close, and the girl had her hands tangled in Toni's long, wavy hair. The two were now making out when suddenly Dot came over and pulled Toni away. 

"What the hell, Dot?" Toni snapped.

"We gotta go both Leah and Rachel drank too much and are on the verge of puking and blacking out." Dot yelled over all the chaos.

"For fucks sake, of course, they did." Toni groaned as she turned back to the blonde.

"Hey, sorry, I gotta go. My friends are a bunch of fucking idiots."

"Don't worry about it; it's fine." The blonde shouted, almost embarrassed. 

"Before I go, what's your name?" Toni asked

But Toni didn't get the girl's name. The next thing she knew, Dot was pulling her through the crowd of sweaty drunk college students. They finally gathered the whole crew and started the short walk to their house. Toni was helping Rachel walk while Dot helped Leah and tried to keep Fatin from wandering off. Once inside the house, Dot was holding Leah's hair back as she threw up into the toilet. 

"Shouldn't Fatin be doing this considering the fact that she's your girlfriend?" Dot said as she looked away from Leah in disgust.

"Yeah, probably, but she's already passed out on the couch." Leah groaned as she leaned against the bathroom wall. 

They went back into the living room where Toni was chugging a bottle of water to try and fight off the inevitable hangover. Rachel was curled up in a ball passed out in an armchair in the corner. Toni tried to wake her and get her to drink some water, but Rachel wouldn't budge. Dot looked over at Leah. "You and Rachel owe Toni an apology. Your inability to handle your alcohol prevented Toni from getting laid."

"Fuck off, Dot, we were just making out, that's it."

Leah looked over and said, "so sorry, Toni, but there's always next time."

"Whatever, Rilke, it's fine" Toni was just annoyed at this point.

She stood up and began to walk to her room; she turned to her friends and said, "good night, assholes, love you."  
Dot and Leah both replied, "love you, bitch."

Toni crashed into her bed hard. She couldn't get that girl out of her head. She kept replaying the night over and over. The way she felt when the girl was dancing on her, the way she felt when they kissed. She figured that she would never see the girl again, though, considering how large Oregon's campus was.  
Toni rolled over and went to sleep.  
++++++++++++++++  
The group of girls made their way over to the weight room early Monday morning. All the girls were still feeling a little hungover from Saturday's party. Toni threw her head back and groaned. "Why do we have to lift at 5:30 am? This should be illegal."

"It's because we play softball. Everyone knows the girls' sports always lift at the worst times." Dot said, annoyed.

"Well, considering we are one of the most successful teams at this school, I think that we should have priority over lift times," Toni said as she opened the door to the locker room. 

"Yeah, keep dreaming, Shalifoe. That will never happen." Rachel rolled her eyes as she followed Toni into the facility. The girls placed their bags in their respective lockers and headed towards the weight room. Their coach, Coach Klein, greeted the team once everyone was there.

"Good morning girls, I hope you guys are well rested because conditioning is going to be hell today and for the rest of the week." Coach Klein exclaimed. "For today's lift, it's just the returning players. I wanted to give the new players a chance to settle in before the craziness of the season and school begins."  
The girls went through the routine of doing deadlifts, power cleans, back squats, and bench presses. The lift was followed by doing footwork and agility. Once the lift was over, the girls headed back to their house, where they had a few hours before their practice. The girls just laid around their house tired, waiting for practice. Toni was watching her favorite show 'One Day at a Time.' Rachel was taking a nap, Leah was getting a head start on some studying while face-timing Fatin and Dot was chilling with Toni.  
Dot was playing on her phone when she asked Toni, "Do you think any of the new players will be any good?"

"I hope so, we need a new pitcher considering Sam graduated, and Jeannette isn't good enough to pitch in the big games," Toni said without looking up from the tv.

"That's true. I guess we will find out soon."

The girls met their coach at the field early, like they always do. "If you're not early, you're late." As coach Klein would always say. They arrived at their field, The Jane, a newly renovated facility that was one of the best in the country, and threw their stuff into the dugout.  
"Toni can you come here please." Coach Klein asked.

Toni jogged over to her coach "yeah, what's up, coach?"

"The new pitcher is coming today, and I want you to work with her. She just transferred here from Ohio State and is amazing. I think she can help take this team far."

"Okay, sounds good. I can't wait to meet her."

Toni was about to walk back to her friends when she heard coach Klein say, "Oh, here she is now. Shelby, come over here and meet Toni. She's going to be your catcher."

Toni looked over, and her face turned red. She couldn't believe it. No, it couldn't be. It was the girl from the party on Saturday. "You've got to be kidding me," Toni said.  
Shelby walked over and greeted her coach, and when she looked at Toni, she went pale as a ghost. 

"Shelby, this is Toni. Toni, this is Shelby."

Shelby quickly recovered and stuck her hand out. "Hi there, it's nice to meet you, Toni," Shelby said with a big smile. Toni shook Shelby's hand while staring at the ground. 

"Okay. So, since you guys have now met, it's time for practice to start." Coach Klein said as she turned and walked toward the rest of the team. Coach Klein greeted the team with a huge smile. "Welcome to the first day of practice; I'm very excited to see what this team can do considering all the talent that we have this year. We have some new faces here, so go on and introduce yourselves, starting with the returning players."  
Dot went first, "What's up? I'm Dot, I'm from Texas, I play 3rd, and I'm a junior." 

Then Leah, "Hi, I'm Leah. I'm from California, I'm a sophomore, and I play 1st base."

"I'm Rachel, I'm from New York, I'm a sophomore, and I play center field and shortstop." 

The rest of the team went on introducing themselves, and then it was Toni's turn. "Hey, I'm Toni. I'm from Minnesota, I'm a sophomore, and I'm the catcher," she said as she looked directly and Shelby, trying to read the expression on her face but couldn't quite get it.  
"Alright, thank you, girls. Now for our new players."

The freshman and the transfers introduced themselves, stating where they were from and what position they played. Then it was Shelby's turn. "Hi, I'm Shelby. I'm from Texas, but I played last season at Ohio State. I'm a sophomore, and I pitch. I'm just so blessed to have an opportunity to play here. All glory to God."

Shelby said this with a big smile, making sure to make eye contact with everyone as if she had rehearsed this line a thousand times. Toni rolled her eyes and kicked the ground in front of her. Toni is just glad that she didn't hook up with this girl. She may be hot, but Toni doesn't do Jesus freaks. 

"Now that everyone has been introduced, we are going to split off by infield, outfield, and pitchers and catchers. So infield, you are here with me. Outfield goes with Coach Young, and Pitchers and catchers go with Coach Faber." 

Toni hated Coach Faber; he always creeped Toni out. She couldn't really say anything, though; the man knew his shit about softball. 

Toni jogged over to the dugout and grabbed her gear, and went over to the bullpen. Faber greeted her. "Hey Shalifoe, happy to see you. You are going to be working with Shelby today." 

"Hi, Coach, okay, sounds good," Toni said as she sat on the ground, putting her gear starting with the leg guards then the chest protector. Shelby walked over with her glove on her left hand with a ball inside. Her other hand was fiddling with the cross necklace that she was wearing.  
"  
Hi, Shelby, nice to see you again. You are going to be pitching to Toni today. Nothing too crazy, just work through all your pitches a few times. I want to see that Goodkind spin."  
Shelby laughed as if it was the funniest joke she had ever heard. Faber walked away, and as soon as he was out of sight, Shelby lost the smile and was noticeably uncomfortable.

Toni looked up at her, still sitting on the ground, "so, what kind of pitches do you throw?"

"Uh, fastball, drop, curve, change, and rise," Shelby said quietly, trying to avoid Toni's eyes. Toni nodded in response. She could sense that Shelby was uncomfortable, so she decided to avoid the small talk and just get to work. She got into her catching position and waited for Shelby to come closer to do some snap pitches, which help warm up the wrist and make sure the pitcher has the right spin on the ball. After a few minutes of throwing snaps into Toni's glove, Shelby broke the silence.

"Hey, about Saturday, I was really drunk and- "

"Shelby, it's cool, you're not the first straight girl to make out with me at a party, and honestly, you'll probably not be the last," Toni said, trying to lighten the mood. Shelby didn't say anything. She just looked down and continued to throw snaps.

Again, after a few minutes of silence, Shelby asked Toni, "Could you not tell the other girls on the team about what happened on Saturday?"  
"Hey, your secret is safe with me. I don't want the girls knowing I made out with a straight Christian." Toni laughed. Shelby didn't laugh, though; she just said "Thanks" and walked back about 10 feet and began to do her other pitching warmups.

Toni didn't know what to think of Shelby, but one thing she knew was that Shelby was a great pitcher. Shelby didn't miss her spots once when pitching. Each pitch spinning exactly the way it was supposed to and landing right in Toni's mitt without her having to move. Once Shelby had worked through her pitches, the girls went back to join the rest of the team to do some infield work. The team worked on receiving ground balls, pop-ups, and what to do in different situations. As the catcher, Toni directed the girls on the play ahead and where to throw the ball.  
++++++++++++++++  
Practice finally finished after what felt like forever, and the girls packed up their stuff and headed home. On the way home, Rachel and Leah were walking ahead, talking about the different drills and if they liked the new players or not. 

Toni and Dot followed behind; Dot leaned over and asked, "Is that new girl, what's her name… Shelby? Is she the girl you were making out with on Saturday?"

"No," Toni responded defensively. "They just look-alike, that's all." 

"Jeez, okay. I was just asking, Toni."

The girls got back to their house; each of them showered and went to their rooms to crash after a long day.

Toni shut the door behind her after her shower and slipped on some basketball shorts and a black cut-off before hopping into her bed and pulling out her laptop. She opened it up and typed into the search bar 'Shelby Goodkind.' The first thing that popped up was a highlight reel of Shelby pitching in high school. Toni clicked on the video and watched highlight after highlight of Shelby striking girls out. She went back to the search page and clicked on the next link, which was her profile from last year at Ohio State. The profile read:  
Name: Shelby Goodkind  
Year: Freshman  
Height: 5'6  
Hometown: Fort Travis, Texas  
Major: Early Childhood Education

Below that, a section laid out all the different accolades that Shelby had received, along with some "fun facts" about her. "In high school, Shelby broke the Texas state record for most strikeouts in a single season; she also holds the record for most no-hitters and perfect games." Toni was impressed. She couldn't believe that she never heard about Shelby until today. She kept reading and got to the fun facts. "Shelby has two younger siblings and lives with her parents Jobeth and Dave back in Texas." When Shelby wasn't playing softball in high school, she was participating in and winning beauty pageants. Also, Shelby is very active in her church and loves to volunteer in her community." Toni groaned out loud after reading that. She knew Shelby was the princess type, but beauty pageants? She thought about how rough this season was going to be dealing with Shelby.  
Toni went back to the search page one more time and scrolled down a bit, past all the interviews with Shelby after a good game or breaking a record. Then she came across a video titled "Shelby Goodkind: 2018 Miss Texas Interview Questions." She clicked on the video, thinking that there would be something funny that she could show the girls. That was not the case. The interview was boring for the first few questions, then the host of the Pageant asked, "So, Ms. Goodkind, what are your views on homosexuality?" 

"Well, I do believe that way of life is a sin, but I hold no hate in my heart. I just feel sorry for those individuals who choose that way of life. I pray for those people, and I hope that they find their way back to God." Shelby said this with a bright smile on her face as she looked at the crowd.

Toni could feel the anger bubbling within her; she slammed her laptop shut, picked up the water bottle next to her, and threw it against the wall, causing water to spill everywhere. She jumped off her bed and grabbed her phone and headphones, and headed towards the front door. 

"Hey, where are you going?" Leah asked as she looked up from her book.

"I just need some space; I'll be back later," Toni snapped as she slammed the front door behind her. 

Toni plugged her headphones in and put on the playlist that her best friend/sister Martha made for when Toni got upset. The playlist title was "for T <3." Toni pressed shuffle, and the first song that came on was 'Lost' by Frank Ocean. With that, Toni headed down the road. She didn't know why she was so angry; it wasn't the first time she had to play softball with a homophobe. Something about this felt different, though, and she couldn't figure out why. 

She thought about how she missed Martha. Marty always knew what to say to Toni in these moments of anger and hurt. Martha was Toni's only friend before coming to Oregon. They have been friends since kindergarten. After one bad foster home placement, Martha's mom, Bernice, decided to take Toni in and adopt her. That was when they were 12, Marty and Toni were both 19 now, and their friendship was stronger than ever.  
Marty also went to Oregon and would be coming up next week with the rest of the students. Until then, Toni was stuck dealing with this anger on her own. She found herself at a spot on campus where she would go with Regan whenever they wanted to be alone. Toni sat down and picked at the blades of grass in front of her, watching the sunset over the campus. She thought about Shelby and her response to that stupid host. She thought about all the hateful things that Shelby must have been taught over the years. She hoped that Shelby was different, maybe just putting on a show, but Toni was doubtful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry that this chapter is a little shorter, but I'll make chapter 3 longer! This one starts with a Shelby POV. I will be putting that into some of the chapters when I think it's necessary. Also, the softball game scene here is actually how my junior year season ended. So that's fun! Anyway, I hope you enjoy it!

SHELBY POV

“Alright, Shelbs, you’re all settled in.” Dave Goodkind said as he patted Shelby on the back. “I’m glad we were able to get you a single dorm here, less of a chance for any distractions this time. Right, Shelby?”

“Uh, yeah,” Shelby mumbled as she continued to move things around in her room, avoiding eye contact with her dad.

“I went ahead and found a church that looks promising. I hope you attend on Sundays. It’s just a few minutes off-campus.”

“Thanks, Dad. I appreciate it.”

“Remember to pray every night Shelby, it’s important,” Dave said this with a cold stare as Shelby met his eyes. She just nodded.

“Well, we better get going Dave, we have a long drive back to Texas. We love you, Shelby. We’ll see you soon.” Jobeth Goodkind said as she approached Shelby for a hug.

Shelby said her goodbyes to her parents and walked with them out to their car. A weight was lifted off her shoulders as soon as their car was out of sight. She hadn’t been free of their presence since she came home for summer break. Every day, Dave lectured her about the importance of keeping her priorities straight and not to get distracted at her new school.

The poor girl needed to let loose, so she texted the only person that she knew at Oregon so far, a freshman softball player that she met at orientation. The freshman told her about a party that night, Shelby didn’t like drinking that much because she always ended up doing something dumb, but she was desperate for some sort of escape.

+++++++++

Shelby woke up the morning after the party with a crazy hangover, her head was throbbing, and her body ached. She wasn’t sure what from last night was real or a dream. She took a shower and got dressed to get coffee. She checked the time, and it was 11:15 am. Shelby never slept in. She was taught from a young age that sleeping in meant that you were wasting your day away. Shelby grabbed her keys and her purse and went out into the daylight.

The bright sun hurt her eyes as she walked across campus. Shelby wasn’t completely familiar with the campus, so it took her longer than needed to find a Starbucks. Once she got her coffee, she decided to walk around for a bit. Maybe she could make sense of last night. Shelby walked around for about twenty minutes and found a spot on a hill that overlooked the whole campus. Shelby sat in the grass, slowly sipping her coffee. Her memory of last night was so blurry, but one thing was crystal clear that girl. The short Burnette that was wearing the half-buttoned top, the black sports bra and black ripped jeans. She forced herself to believe that she only made eye contact with the mystery girl.

She decided to just not think about it. That’s the way Shelby always dealt with issues. Just ignore them until they go away. Shelby hoped that she would never see that girl again and that she could have a fresh start on campus and just focus on softball.

+++++++++

Shelby got to practice and said hi to a few of the players when Coach Klein called Shelby over. Shelby ran over with a big smile on her face until she saw the girl standing on the other side of her coach. She froze for a second in complete shock, not sure how to even react. She had to recover quickly though, she stuck her hand out and greeted the girl. The girl, Toni, looked different now in her practice gear, more serious and focused. Shelby’s head was spinning. She had a sinking feeling in her gut. How did Shelby let this happen? The girl from the party was now her catcher.

Shelby and Toni went over to the bullpen to pitch, and she couldn’t even look at Toni. She was so embarrassed. She couldn’t just ignore the problem now, considering that the problem was about to be a part of her everyday life. Shelby tried to apologize for that night at the party, but Toni didn’t let her. Toni was super chill about it and even promised not to tell the team. Shelby was still upset at herself for letting it happen, but maybe she could just move on.

++++++++++

Shelby returned to her dorm after practice feeling physically exhausted. She showered and hopped into bed. She tried to listen to some music to help her relax, but it didn’t help. So she pulled out her laptop and searched ‘Toni Shalifoe.” The first thing Shelby saw was her profile at Oregon from the previous season, with a picture of her with her hair down and Toni holding a serious stare. The profile was simple, nothing too flashy. It read:

Name: Toni Shalifoe

Age: 18

Class: Freshman

Height: 5’3”

Hometown: Hopewell Lake, Minnesota

Below that, there was a section about Toni’s high school career. Toni led her team to two state championships in high school, broke the Minnesota state record for stolen bases in a single season, and most career throwdowns. Shelby wasn’t that surprised; she could tell that Toni was a good player just from one practice.

She scrolled down a little further, looking for the “fun facts” or whatever you call them. All it said was, “Toni enjoys coaching softball when not playing. Her favorite basketball team is the Minnesota Timberwolves.”

This was strange to Shelby; most people put facts about their family or where they are from in that section. She didn’t dwell on it though, she closed the tab and just decided to watch some Netflix instead.

\--------------------

The girls headed to the field for practice the following day. Toni was noticeably moodier than usual, but the girls didn’t push it. Toni always told them what was wrong eventually, but this time Toni wasn’t sure if she would tell the girls. She hated causing unnecessary drama; Toni would rather just keep her mouth shut. She figured that the team would figure out Shelby in their own time.

“Hey Toni, I forgot to ask you yesterday, but how’s that new pitcher? Is she anything close to Sam?” Rachel asked as they made their way down the sidewalk

Toni was snapped out of her fog. “Uh yeah, she’s really good, actually. She might be better than Sam, honestly.” Toni said as she adjusted the large bag on her back that contained all her equipment.

“Damn, I can’t wait to watch her throw live. If we want to make it back to the Super Regionals, we’ll need her pitching.”

“Fuck Super Regionals, we are going to the World Series this year. Everyone here has another year under their belt, and if Shelby is anywhere near what Toni says she is, no one can get in our way.” Dot chimed in.

“That’s what we thought last year, but we lost in extra innings on a suicide bunt,” Leah said, looking down at the ground.

“Nice Rilke, way to think positively,” Rachel groaned.

Toni thought back to the game that ended their season. The bases were loaded with two outs, bottom of the 8th. The Ducks were tied with the Alabama Crimson Tide 2-2.

The Ducks scored their two runs in the 2nd when Toni hit a line drive to center field, the ball hit the gap, and she made it to 2nd with ease. Dot was up next; the pitcher made the mistake of letting the ball hang over the plate. Dot swung through the ball like her life depended on it. The ball was out of the park dead center within seconds. Toni and Dot scored, putting the Ducks up 2.

The crimson got their two runs in the 6th. There was a runner on third with one out. Toni called for Sam to throw a changeup off the plate, considering the 0-2 count. Sam shook her off, though. Toni knew what she wanted to throw instead. So, Toni signed for a rise-ball. Sam nodded; she got the right grip on the ball and snapped it. Toni knew as soon as the ball was released that it wasn’t rising. The batter swung, sending the ball towering through the air.

The ball landed in the gap between left field and the foul line. It hit the ground and rolled fast towards the fence. The left fielder got there quick, but the runner at third had already scored. The batter was already rounding second when the left fielder overthrew her cut, sending the ball across the infield. This caused Leah to retrieve the overthrown ball that landed by the first base dugout. The runner was halfway home. Leah threw the ball to Toni. Toni caught it. She turned, diving towards the plate to tag the runner; the runner slid underneath Toni’s glove.

“SAFE” yelled the umpire as he fanned his arms out wide.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Toni screamed as she threw off her mask, walking towards the umpire.

Dot came running over, holding Toni back, “Get your shit together, Shalifoe, we’ll get those runs back.”

Now in the 8th, Toni knew what to call considering the situation. The count was 3-2, and the runner on third was fast. Everyone was expecting the batter to bunt. Toni signed for a curveball, hoping to pull the batter off balance. Sam gave her a nod, Toni set up on the outside corner. Sam released the ball, the batter squared around for the bunt, and made contact sending the ball only a few feet up the third baseline. Dot dove for the ball, flicking it to Toni. The throw was high, though, causing Toni to jump high and retrieve the ball. She tried to dive towards the plate before the runner slid in, but she was too late. The umpire yelled, “SAFE!”

The Crimson Tide rushed the field, dog piling on top of each other at home plate.

Toni threw off her helmet and kicked it towards the dugout. She was devastated. She wanted to win this for Sam. The pitcher took Toni under her wing, and they become such good friends. Sam was the closest thing to an older sister that Toni ever had.

Toni sat down against the dugout fence, trying to hold back the sobs when Sam came over and squatted over in front of her. As soon as Toni made eye contact with her, the tears began to fall.

“T, it’s okay,” Sam said empathetically.

“It’s not Sam. I fucked up. I should have had those outs at home both times. You are supposed to go to the World Series. I ruined it.” Toni croaked between sobs.

“Toni, none of this is your fault, and you know that. Look, I know losing is hard, but I’m just thankful that I got to be your pitcher this year. I can’t wait to see where you take this team in the future. You better promise me that you’ll get to the World Series one day.” Sam said as she wiped the tears from Toni’s face even though tears were now falling down her own face.

“I promise Sam, I love you,” Toni said in almost a whisper.

“I love you too, kid, now come on, let’s pack up our shit and head to the locker room.” Sam stood up, holding her hands out to pull Toni up.

Toni grabbed Sam’s hands and let the senior pull her up. Sam pulled Toni in for a big hug. Toni hugged her back even harder.

+++++++++

At practice, Coach Klein split the team by infield and outfield after the team went through their warm-up routine. “Alright, infield, head to the batting cages with Coach Young and outfield. You are here with Coach Faber and me.”

The infielders jogged over to their bags and grabbed their helmets, batting gloves, and bats. Once at the cages, Coach Young explained the routine for the day, and the girls began to choose partners. “Hold on. I want Shalifoe to work with Goodkind. You two need to spend some time getting to know each other. We need y’all to build a good relationship.”

Toni gripped her bat so hard she thought it might snap. She did not want to work with Shelby today. She hadn’t fully processed the fact that Shelby full-on said homosexuality was an abomination in front of thousands of people. Before Toni even had time to react, Shelby was standing in front of her.

“Hey Toni, so I know yesterday was super awkward, but I want you to know that I’m here for softball. So, I hope we can start with a clean slate today.” Shelby grinned at Toni.

“Yeah, sure, that’s fine. Let’s just hit and get this over with.” Toni mumbled as she walked past Shelby, making sure to bump her shoulder in the process.

“All alrighty, then,” Shelby sighed.

Toni grabbed a bucket of balls and a tee and placed them in front of the net. She placed a ball on the tee and waited for Shelby to swing. Shelby swung and sent the ball into the net in front of her. Toni didn’t let Shelby see that she was impressed by her swing. The pair went through the whole bucket without speaking. They cleaned up the balls, and now it was Toni’s turn to hit. Shelby placed a ball on the tee, “So, did you do anything fun this summer?”

Toni looked up unamused “No, considering I worked two jobs and trained all summer. I bet you haven’t worked a day in your life.”

“What makes you think that? You’ve literally known me for 2 days.”

“I don’t know. You seem like the daddy’s money type of girl.” Toni smirked.

Shelby rolled her eyes. Shelby’s family had money, but her dad made her work. He said it built character.

“I’ll have you know; I’ve worked at a summer camp every year since I’ve been 16.”

Toni rolled her eyes. “What kind of camp? Some brainwashing Christian bullshit camp?”

“Uh no, it’s just a day camp in my hometown. I work with 5 and 6-year olds.”

Toni just sighed and didn’t press any further. She didn’t want Shelby to find out that she spent the better half of the previous night stalking her. Shelby was confused as to why Toni was so rough with her. She thought yesterday went well, considering the circumstances.

“Did I do something? You seem pretty angry.” Shelby asked in a concerned tone.

“Besides shoving your tongue down my throat and then putting on this Christian princess bullshit façade, no.”

Toni regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. Before she could even apologize, Shelby dropped her bat at ran out of the hitting facility.

“Shalifoe, what the hell happened?” Coach Young yelled.

“I- uh- I don’t know she just ran.” Toni stammered

“Well, go see if she’s okay.”

Toni put her bat on the floor and jogged out to look for Shelby. She couldn’t find her at first. She looked around the whole perimeter of the field, the dugouts, and the parking lot. Toni was about to go back when she heard a sniffle and a sigh. Toni turned and saw Shelby by the front entrance of the facility underneath the high arch that said ‘THE JANE HOME OF THE DUCKS’

“Shelby, I’m so-“

“Save it, Toni. Look, I know you assume I’m this hateful Christian or whatever, but you don’t know shit about me or my life,” Shelby snapped with anger that shocked Toni.

“I didn’t mean what I said. I was just-” Toni said, trying not to make eye contact, feeling guilty at the moment.

“I get that you think I’m this raging bigot who condemns all sinners to hell, but I’m not. I try and love everyone. Even those who choose certain lifestyles.” Shelby said this looking up towards the sky clinging to her cross necklace.

All the guilt that Toni once had was now gone. Toni’s wishful thinking was wrong. Shelby wasn’t lying in her interview. She balled her fists at her side and took a step towards Shelby.

“I chose to be gay? You think this shit is a choice? Wow, you’re more brainwashed than I thought.” Toni laughed

Before Shelby even had a chance to reply, Toni spoke, “I knew we weren’t going to be best friends or whatever, but I had hope that you were different. I guess I was wrong. All you Christians are the same. You preach love and acceptance, but only if someone has the same beliefs. For the sake of the team, let’s just pretend we get along with each other. This shit is way too important to me to let some bigot ruin it.”

Shelby had a look of defeat and anger in her eyes. She just nodded and went back to the batting facility. Toni stayed back for a few minutes to calm herself down. The two finished hitting in silence.

At the end of practice, Coach Klein called Toni over for a conversation.

“So, I talked to Shelby, and she said she had an anxiety attack during hitting. She wouldn’t tell me why, though. Did you have something to do with that?” Coach Klein looked at Toni with a concerned expression.

“No, coach, we were just hitting, and then she ran off.” Toni couldn’t believe that she was boldface lying to her coach.

“I promise, we are actually getting along really well. I just think she’s feeling a little overwhelmed by being new and everything.” Toni said with a fake smile.

Toni hated lying more than anything, especially to the people she looked up to and trusted.

“Well, okay. Just keep an eye on her for me. We need her in the right headspace if we want to win this year.”

“You got it, Coach, anything for the team.” Toni went and packed up her bag and left the facility without waiting for her friends.

++++++++++++++++

Toni texted Martha when she got home. Martha has always been Toni's rock. Ever since they were kids, Martha was always there. She needed to talk to someone who wasn’t on the softball team and didn’t know Shelby.

**Toni** : Hey Marty, I miss you.

**Martha** : Hey T, I miss you too. What’s wrong?

**Toni** : What? I can’t just text you that I miss you?

**Martha** : Well, you could, but I know you better than you know yourself. So, what’s up?

**Toni:** There’s this new girl on the team, and she’s already causing issues with me. It’s been TWO DAYS, Marty and I already hate her.

**Martha** : Maybe give it more time before you know for sure if you hate her. Also, I doubt that you are innocent in this.

**Toni** : Well, not completely.... but still, she’s just so annoying, and she pretends to be this perfect person, but she’s not.

**Martha** : I’m sorry, T, I wish I could be there. Only a few more days, though:)

**Toni** : I wish you were here too. I’ll see you soon, Marty. I love you.

Toni threw her phone on her bed. She replayed the incident with Shelby in her head over and over again. Toni felt guilty for snapping at her, but why? She also was infuriated at Shelby's blatant homophobia, These mixed emotions were driving Toni insane. So she plugged in her headphones and hit shuffle on her phone, the first song was 'Mr. Brightside' by The Killers. Toni laughed to herself remembering all the times she spent with Marty singing this song together. She was about to fall asleep when her phone buzzed. She picked it up, and it was a text from a group-chat that she was in with some of the softball players. 

**Dot** : alright, party at our house this weekend. Someone tell the freshmen and the transfers.

**Rachel** : Bet. I’m inviting Nora. She needs to get out of the house more.

**Jeannette** : No men, though. I hate them.

**Rachel** : Obviously, Jeannette.

**Leah** : Can Fatin come?

**Dot** : ofc, we love Fatin. Toni, is it cool that we have a party?

Toni wanted to say no. She wanted to tell them about Shelby and how she felt, but she didn’t want to start drama before the school year and season even started. So, she just replied with a simple “yup,” and with that, she fell asleep. When Toni drifted off, she dreamed about that night at the party with Shelby.

_Her hands touching Shelby’s body as the blonde danced on her. They were now making out again, Toni’s hands on her hips, Shelby’s hands in Toni’s hair. Instead of being interrupted, Shelby moved to place kissing against her jaw and down her neck. Toni moaned as the blonde scraped her teeth across her neck. Shelby’s mouth was now against Toni’s ear. Shelby moaned into Toni’s ear, “You’re so fucking hot.”_

_The only thing Toni could say was “fuck.”_

_“So, are you taking this to your place or mine?” Shelby asked as she leaned in to kiss Toni again._

_With that, they were in Toni’s room within 10 minutes. Toni pushed Shelby up against the wall and put her hands underneath Shelby’s shirt. She began working her way down Shelby’s neck, leaving open mouth kisses as she went. Shelby’s moans were driving Toni crazy. Shelby had her hands tangled in her hair. Toni tugged at the hem of Shelby’s shirt, and Shelby ripped her shirt and bra off. Toni stared at the girl’s chest in awe. She had never seen a body so perfect. “Holy fucking shit.” were the only words to leave Toni’s mouth._

_Toni crashed back into Shelby’s lips, hard sliding her tongue across Shelby’s. Toni’s hands worked their way from Shelby’s neck down her chest and landed on the blonde’s hips. Shelby started to unbutton Toni’s half-buttoned shirt. Toni pulled the shirt off and pulled Shelby closer. Shelby grabbed Toni by the hips and whispered into her ear, “I want you, now.” Toni pulled Shelby from the wall and directed her towards the bed._

Just as Toni was about to take Shelby’s pants off, she was woken up by a loud thud. Toni shot up in a panic. Looking at the clock, it read 6:15 pm. She heard the thud again. “Toni, are you alive?” It was Fatin knocking on her door. Toni got up and opened her bedroom door.

“Sorry, I was sleeping,” Toni said in a heavy voice.

“Well, get ready, it’s Tuesday, and we are going to Angelo’s for pizza like we always do. Did you forget?”

“Uh, no, sorry. I just gotta take a quick shower.” Toni ran past Fatin. She needed to take a cold shower to wipe away the feeling of that dream.

“Didn’t you just shower after practice? Oh, shit, Shalifoe had a sex dream” Fatin laughed.

“Was it about me? I always knew you had a thing for me.” Fatin was full-on cackling now.

“Fuck off, Fatin,” screamed Toni as she slammed the door to the bathroom.

Once the door was closed, Toni looked at herself in the mirror, breathing heavily. How could she think about Shelby that way, knowing what Shelby stood for and against? It made Toni’s stomach turn. She turned on the water and tried to forget everything that happened in that dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I forgot to put this last time but you can follow me on Twitter @shelbald4ever if you want! Have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading! If you have any suggestions or questions let me know!


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